Headline News

Greetings good citizen,

Talk about your ‘slow news day’, sometimes dissecting the minutia just doesn’t cut it because that ground is already heavily trodden (and I do you no service if all I do is parrot the viewpoints of others.)

There’s more to this ‘blogging thing’ than just pasting links.

Perhaps the sour taste in my mouth and the inability to choose a single topic is born of that nagging suspicion that the information being presented for discussion isn’t genuine. I (often) find myself at odds with the writers of many of my posts. Are we both trying to pick fly shit out of pepper?

So for today’s ‘exercise in futility’ we will peruse the headlines on offer and try to extrapolate what they mean/say about us as a society/species to a, er, casual observer…

Naturally, the ‘source’ will heavily influence the outcome of this ‘experiment’. Thus would I select the nation’s ‘paper of record’, that old gray lady, The NY Times.

Naturally, we’ll start with today’s ‘top stories’

TOP STORIES

To read any of these stories in detail, simply follow the link…

Obama Limits When U.S. Would Use Nuclear Arms
By DAVID E. SANGER and PETER BAKER
The new American nuclear strategy will narrow the conditions under which the United States would use nuclear weapons, with the exception of “outliers like Iran and North Korea.”

U.S. Is Seeking a Fine of $16.4 Million Against Toyota
By MICHELINE MAYNARD
The penalty is the largest single federal fine against an automaker and accuses Toyota of failing to notify the government about defective pedals promptly.

Toll Mounts in West Virginia Coal Mine Explosion
By IAN URBINA
At least12 miners were killed and 14 were missing after an explosion ripped through a coal mine 30 miles south of Charleston.

Now, how to proceed? Should we comment on each bullet point? No, the casual observer isn’t going to actually read any of the stories, they don’t mean anything to (s)he/it…all we want is the ‘impression’ the observer would come away with…what would (s)he/it think of this strange land and what passes for information ‘valuable enough’ that the denizens of this orbiting dust speck would pay to know it?

These ‘top stories’ sort of queers our experiment from the start because we now have to determine if (s)he/it is stranded here or free to leave? If (s)he/it is stranded, then the top three stories are sure to cause (s)he/it considerable alarm, don’t you think?

At a quick glance, this is not a ‘safe’ place to be stranded…What else would (s)he/it glean from perusing a ‘for profit’ news publication?

WORLD

Researchers Trace Data Theft to China
By JOHN MARKOFF and DAVID BARBOZA
Security researchers have monitored a spying operation in which China-based intruders pilfered documents from the Indian Defense Ministry.

Priest Charged in U.S. Is Still Serving in India
By LAURIE GOODSTEIN
A priest charged with abusing a girl in Minnesota has been allowed to continue working at a diocese in India.

Video Shows American Killing of Photographer
By ELISABETH BUMILLER
Wikileaks.org released a video of a U.S. helicopter killing a Reuters photographer and driver in 2007 in Baghdad.

Okay, doesn’t look like the ‘world news’ offers (s)he/it much to alter their ‘first impression’. Moving on further still, we encounter this:

U.S.

Death Toll Hits 25 in West Virginia Coal Mine Explosion
By IAN URBINA
Rescuers searched for 4 other miners on Tuesday after an explosion ripped through a coal mine 30 miles south of Charleston.

In California, Louder Calls to Prepare for Quakes
By JESSE McKINLEY
Officials tried to use Sunday’s 7.2-magnitude earthquake in Mexico as a reminder to Californians.

SIDEBAR
Strict Deadlines, Disabled Veterans and Dismissed Cases
By ADAM LIPTAK
The Court of Appeals for Veterans Claims is dismissing about two cases a week under a strict deadline the Supreme Court has been asked to review.

If we assume our ‘casual observer’ is reading the paper locally, here we find our first reason to relax…none of the terrifying things in the paper are actually happening in New York!

Not that they couldn’t happen there…the fact that they’re happening at all is still disquieting!

A little calmer, (s)he/it presses on:

BUSINESS

Citigroup’s Chief Shrinks Company, Eyeing Growth
By ERIC DASH
Citigroup’s chief executive is shedding the bank’s complex businesses and shrinking its balance sheet.

Financial Crisis Inquiry Wrestles With Setbacks
By SEWELL CHAN and ERIC DASH
Delays, disagreements and lack of focus are disrupting an investigation by the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission.

Facing Suit, Pipe Maker Extends Guarantee
By MARY WILLIAMS WALSH
JM Eagle, fighting to retain sales amid allegations that it knowingly sold defective pipe, said its guarantee will cover pipe that is already in the ground, as well as the pipe that the company will sell in the future.

Okay, as long as (s)he/it isn’t here to negotiate a trade deal, they probably don’t much care about this information…but with that said good citizen, how do these headlines strike you? You who can’t ‘get away’?

But wait, (s)he/it isn’t done! Not that they are going to learn much else from the…

SPORTS

Duke Slips Past Butler to Win Its 4th Title
By PETE THAMEL
The Blue Devils beat Butler, 61-59, to win the university’s first men’s basketball championship since 2001.

Case Will Test N.F.L. Teams’ Liability in Dementia
By ALAN SCHWARZ
A workers’ compensation claim on behalf of Ralph Wenzel, a lineman from 1966 to 1973, could be worth more than $1 million. Other players could file similar claims.

Silence Yields to Ovation for Woods at Practice
By BILL PENNINGTON
Hole by hole, Tiger Woods played better in his Masters practice round, and the fans’ applause grew.

Probably ‘meaningless’ to a disinterested observer, sports are very ‘culture centric’…one need not be from ‘another planet’ to be clueless/confused by sports mania.

Next up…well, let’s assume (s)he/it isn’t much interested in the culture/arts of our obviously insane society so we’ll skip that and have a quick look at what those in the media think is important…

EDITORIALS

We Call That Double-Dipping
Critics of health care reform have seized on corporate complaints about losing a tax break. But it seems to be a reasonable way to pay for covering some of the uninsured.

When a Lawyer Is Wrong
Legal immigrants like Jose Padilla, who has lived in the United States for 40 years, should not face deportation after getting false legal advice.

Showdown at Indian Point
The owner of the Indian Point nuclear power plant, Entergy Corporation, needs to begin obeying environmental laws.

EDITORIAL NOTEBOOK
The Ball in Flight
By VERLYN KLINKENBORG
On a warm Sunday afternoon — on the tennis court, the baseball diamond and the soccer field — the ball is ubiquitous.

OP-ED

Relax, We’ll Be Fine
By DAVID BROOKS
News of America’s death is greatly exaggerated. In reality, the U.S. is on the verge of a demographic, economic and social revival.

Turning Our Backs on Heroes
By BOB HERBERT
Americans have no real sense of the sacrifices made by the young men and women who have fought the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Season of Renewal
By ROGER COHEN
It is the season of renewal and rebirth, when we step back enough to feel the thread that binds the unity of mankind and connects us to our forebears.

Allergy-Free New York
By THOMAS LEO OGREN
Every spring, New York City’s trees give off a lot of potent pollen. Arborists could give allergy sufferers a break by planting low-pollen street trees.

Okay, the bottom half of the paper isn’t meant to be ‘captivating’, it’s the ‘general interest’ section of the paper. That said, the editorials provide us with some insight into the minds of what might be described as ‘trendsetters’.

One might even consider the bottom half of the paper as being the newspaper the publisher’s would like to print if only the rest of our crazy, predatory civilization would cooperate!

This collection of tidbits is intended to ‘distract’ you, provide you with an ‘antidote’ to the poisonous environment of the ‘real world’.

If only our leaders would concentrate on problems they could solve! It won’t lead to a ‘wonderful world’ but it would at least provide the impression that they weren’t totally incompetent!

What other impressions do we come away with from this exercise…if we eliminate (s)he/it?

Yeah, good citizen, you knew all along that the only one who matters here is YOU! So if we parse our original question slightly, how does this collection of seemingly unrelated events strike you?

What’s that? We can’t do you! Then I guess that leaves you stuck with what I think…boy are you in trouble now!

If we start with the original three stories, the first one is a non-event (if you consider the Obama presidency an extension of the Bush presidency.)

The second is ‘eyewash’ too…what is $16 mill to Toyota?

Which brings us to our third story…honestly now…weren’t you ‘surprised’ to learn of miners being trapped in a ‘cave-in’…don’t they blast and bulldoze coal now? Which makes us wonder…are we supposed to condemn the mining industry’s abysmal safety record and the willful corporate negligence that once again places profits ahead of people? Or are we supposed to start clamoring for ‘safer’ strip mining operations?

Given their ‘druthers’ good citizen you would have remained ignorant of this incident…but (lucky for you) it sells newspapers!

As we move on to the ‘World’ section we encounter two stories set in India and one in Baghdad, we are assaulted by more disturbing ‘background noise’.

How big/inclusive/invasive is the global security apparatus? And the fact that the military is slaying civilians with impunity, Israeli style is more disturbing when viewed in the context of ‘the consent of the governed’. Which is not to downplay the significance of a sexual predator being ‘transferred’ to a third world country to escape prosecution/exploit new victims…a transfer aided and abetted by a global organization established to ‘comfort’ the afflicted and nourish the souls of the ‘faithful’…the ‘true believers’!

Your eyes may not be tired yet but my time is running out…you catch my ‘drift’ and sadly, that is all I can share with you…only you know what you think.

Thanks for letting me inside your head,

Gegner